Safety Dance, Apple Style

The iPad autocorrect is the bane of my existence.

(Full disclosure probably requires me to mention that my existence has almost as many banes as interactions and objects, and that they vary from pull-tabs that break instead of pull to The Guy Who Can’t Decide What He Wants In The Drive Thru Lane And Makes Me Wait Seven Minutes For My Cheeseburger. I fail at placid. I also digress….)

The people who brought us The Most Awesome Handheld Technology In The Universe (except for bacon) have also discovered the fastest connection between happy end-users and raging maniacs pounding furiously on their little iPad screens.

They call it “autoconnect.”

Actually, it’s autocorrect, but the sentence above is merely one example of the program’s nefarious and intrusive (read: borderline devious) editing skills.

Some other recent howlers:

“Everyone needs a stalker” a/c’d to “Everyone needs a stapler.” (True enough, but not exactly where I was going with the thought.)

“cameo” a/c’d to “came to” – twice.

“I was feeding my seahorses” a/c’d to “I was feeding my see whores(Pause and wonder where THAT little gem might be useful. Then back away slowly and move on.)

Tesla shares my distaste for the feature, which he describes as “the reason I rage-quit from email on a regular basis.”

This morning as I prepared for work, Tesla emerged from his room with good news and interesting news. The good? He found a way to disable Apple’s Autocorrect and banish the demigod demon to the depths of the ninth ring of hell where it belongs. The interesting news?

When banished, autocorrect takes spell-check with it.

In even more curious news, Tesla discovered that he could disable spell-check without impacting autocorrect – just not vice-versa. In other words, the iPad and smart-phone will gladly permit you to display your ignorance (or, as autocorrect prefers, your “ignore us“) as long as you let it help. Refuse the editor’s aid, however, and Apple’s little shoulder-squatting editor takes its proverbial ball and goes home.


Or, in the immortal words of autocorrect,

All sum.

Had experiences with autocorrect? Do you like it, hate it, or laugh at it? Hop into the comments and weigh in!