Today my husband and I moved out of our temporary apartment and into the hotel that will serve as the final “staging point” for our departure to Japan.
We’ve (mostly) packed our suitcases…
and the international delivery service will show up Monday morning to take them away. If everything goes according to plan, by the time that happens we’ll have taken our cat Oobie to the vet and be starting our drive to Los Angeles, with plans to fly to Japan on Tuesday morning.
Our first flight is scheduled to leave Los Angeles at 6am, and I’m looking forward to watching the sun rise from the plane. (Most likely, while listening to Oobie express her distinct disapproval of our travel plans.)
She’s not a fan of the carrier.
Although I’m excited about returning to Japan and beginning the 100 Summits climbs, my brain swings back and forth between that excitement and abject terror. Among the reasons I decided to undertake the 100 Summits Project were to pursue my lifelong dream of climbing and writing in Japan, while also facing my fear of living a life that wasn’t “safe, secure, and expected.”
For many years, I was too afraid to consider pursuing a dream this big. I thought “adulting” required me to remain entirely tethered, placing security before excitement and stability before my dreams.
Breast cancer taught me that security and stability are illusions.
That’s not to say life can’t be secure and stable, in its way. I’m not rushing off to Japan without a plan (though admittedly, the plan now only reaches a few months in advance – I’m learning to live in the “now” instead of the “never” or the “future consequences”). That said, I’m teaching myself to focus on the moment instead of the future, and on the importance of living my dreams while I have the health and capacity to chase them.
All of which said, I’m also discovering that fear of the unknown doesn’t dissipate just because you decide to pursue your dreams. If anything, the monster grows in size and strength – at least in the beginning. (I’ll let you know as the weeks go by if that changes, and how I learn to manage–and hopefully master–that fear.)
Even so, I refuse to surrender. I’m on the verge of a wonderful adventure–and I hope you’ll join me every step of the way.
Do you struggle with fear in connection to your dreams? What frightens you? And how do you manage fear?