To Tell the Truth

July 7, 2011 is official “tell the truth day.”

I’d like to think that every day is the right day to tell the truth, but given the fact that my profession and my avocation are both basically built on the backs of lies (not to mention liars) I know better than to claim I’ve never told a fib. I might even have told some howlers in my day, though generally speaking I prefer to tell the truth.

In light of today’s dedication to brutal honesty, however, permit me to share some possibly-inconvenient-and-probably-embarrassing truths I’ve been holding onto for a while now:

1. I am not a good housekeeper. And by “not good” I mean I’m an unmitigated disaster of epic proportions – something on the order of the Titanic meets the Hindenburg. I’d rather do just about anything than clean, and although I have a deep-seated love for order my capacity to endure dust bunnies is much higher than I wish it was, especially when I’m the one who has to root them out from under the bed.

2. I find it amusing to shave only half the cat. My husband’s little white Persian requires frequent mat removal, and it’s easier to shave her than risk lost limbs and stitches with a brush. The cat loathes being shaved almost as much as I dislike cleaning, and generally decides to become a homicidal maniac about halfway through the process. This means I have to shave her in stages. It also means she looks exceptionally strange most of the time.

The secret truth? I find this hilarious.

3.  Solicitors should not wear large quantities of perfume and/or cologne. I don’t know about anyone else, but if I can smell a solicitor at 30 paces and/or for an hour after (s)he has left my office, I’m disinclined to offer funding for anything but a high-pressure shower (by fire hose if possible). Note to the wise: the best way to get me to buy something is actually to leave me alone. Second best is to offer an unobtrusive advertisement which doesn’t come in via e-mail, blog comment, Twitter or telephone. We have to skip a mathematically-impossible number of spaces to get down to “approach me in person while wearing an amount of fragrance that has eyes watering on the International Space Station.”

4. I have some wickedly awesome friends and family. Who I don’t tell about their awesomeness nearly often enough. So if you happen to be one of the people I interact with on a daily basis, in person, via GoogleTalk, on Twitter or otherwise…if I know you in person…you know who you are…today’s real truth is this: you rock, and I appreciate you immensely.

And that is all the truth I’m telling today.

Have you got a truth to share? Hop into the comments and let me know!

2 thoughts on “To Tell the Truth

  • July 8, 2011 at 6:31 am

    “fragrance you can smell from the space station.” Awesome! I couldn’t agree more. Same issue in the gym and yoga classes. Yo people, I’m sweating, you’re sweating, we’re all sweating. If you can’t stand your own smelliness, what makes you think adding a liquid pound of olfactory destroying fragrance is going to help? Is the plan to kill your own sense of smell, or ours? 🙂

    • July 8, 2011 at 12:36 pm

      Isn’t that the truth?? Worse still, heavy perfumes make me cough (sometimes even sneeze) – and there’s nothing worse than sitting in a room trying to have a professional conversation while slowly asphyxiating. Hadn’t even considered the gym angle. That’s got to be even worse. At least in a meeting you can breathe shallowly! (Makes me glad I get my exercise in the pool or on the rock walls!)

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