The Articles Under Which We Sail

During the golden age of piracy, every pirate had a vote.  Buccaneers the same.  A man could say yes or he could say no – with the caveat that saying no could mean watching the ship disappear over the horizon, taking his share of the sparklies with it.

At the outset of every voyage, pirates and buccaneers had to sign the articles of agreement, promising to abide by them for the duration of the voyage.

Guess what?  Not much has changed.  This is my ship, and these are the articles under which she sails.  By reading or commenting here, you’re signing on and agreeing to each and every one.  Why?  Because it’s my ship and I say so.  You’re free to elect another captain, but (s)he will need another boat.  There’s not room enough aboard this URL for more than one Snark-in-Chief.

Considered thought is welcome, humor is appreciated.  The snark is on hand to keep order, and feel free to bring your own along to play, but please keep it leashed.  We don’t mind your snark…if you do.

THE SPANN OF TIME ARTICLES OF AGREEMENT:

Article 1. This is my ship and I write the Articles. (Translation: I have a plank and I know how to make you use it.  Don’t test me.).

Article 2. The Articles are subject to random and uneven application and immediate change without notice, depending upon how I feel and whether I’m having a bad day.  That’s the benefit of being the captain, and the down side of this not being your blog. If you want to whine about recourse and fairness, refer to Article #1. (Translation: this is my ship. I have the map, the compass, and directions to the plank.)

Article 3.  Bad language and “adult content” are not welcome here, in the comments or in the posts.  My mother used to tell me those words are for people who aren’t creative enough to find something else to say.  I’ll admit to moments of desperately uncreative word choice, but that doesn’t fly here.  Find another way to say what’s on your mind.  (Or else go say #@*&$^%%  $@$!# on your own blog.)

Article 4.  As Captain and Snark-in-Chief, I am the ultimate arbiter of language and content here.  There is no appeal, no border, and no statute of limitation.  If I don’t like a Word, you can’t use it, even if I let someone else use it in another context or missed the fact that your dog’s cousin’s owner’s cat said The Same Word five weeks ago and was not forced to walk the plank. (In other words: I don’t care, neener, neener, neener.) Note: this blog is set up to autodelete comments with certain words in the title or text.

Article 5. The email you use to comment here has to be a real one, and you need to use a real name.  If I even think you’re messing with me, I will blacklist you without comment.  If I know you’re messing with me, I reserve the right to blacklist you with comment, run you up the yardarm and let the snark play with you until it tires of the sport.  (Note: snarks have a lot of energy.  You’ve been warned.)

Article 6.  Repeated violations of the Articles, or even one sterling effort, will get you blacklisted and banned. I don’t have to agree with everything you say, and I won’t delete comments just because I disagree with them, provided they make their case (and point) in a reasonable manner.  If you want to argue or set things on fire, this isn’t the place.

Article 7.  No illegal conduct, which includes libel.  (That’s written defamation, in case you didn’t know.) If I think you’re breaking that or any other law, you and your comment go off the plank.  It doesn’t matter whether or not you think I was right, or even whether I was right.  I’m the captain and I get to decide.  Go call me names on your own blog – just be sure you link me. (Translation: Go be rude in your own space.)

Article 8. NO TROLLS ON THE SHIP. Go back to the bridge from whence you came, before we tar and feather you and run you up the yardarm for the snarks to play with.

Article 9.  I reserve the right to delete, erase, eliminate, satirize, and/or openly taunt any comment, commenter, trackback, link or subject matter for any reason, for no reason, or just because I didn’t like your font (even though my blog picked it for you). Or the shirt you’re wearing.  Or the fact that you’re not wearing pants. If your comment gets deleted, I’m sure it was a complete accident and I have no idea how it could have happened.  What a shame.  If it happens more than once, or if I make fun of you, that’s clearly a software error.  No idea how it happened, either. What a shame.

Article 10. No advertising in the comments.  Feel free to link your blog or website as part of a genuine conversation.  If you link just to link, I reserve the right to delete you, ridicule you, or delete you AND ridicule youor just delete your link and turn you over to the snark.

Article 11.  You are responsible for what you say. I am not.  I accept no responsibility or liability for anything anyone else says here or links from a comment.

Article 12. I am not responsible for the other ships in the fleet, or content of websites or blogs outside this one.  If you click a link in a comment or head to a commenter’s website, click at your own risk.  I’ll keep my own links reasonably safe, but I have no idea who might decide to stop by and have a say and I’m not going to delete a comment just because I might not otherwise link the commenter’s blog.  So, far as that goes, if you want to make sure the links are ok, stick to the ones you know I put there.

If I think of anything else, you know I’ll say it. And yes, this gets its own category just to make sure it doesn’t get lost in the shuffle.

That said, let’s have a good time. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

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