July 2 is official “I Forgot Day.”
The observance gives us a chance to make up for all the birthdays, special occasions and other events we forgot on the previous year – a universal mulligan for those of us whose brains are more like a sieve than a safe. (Unfortunately, public libraries don’t recognize the observance, so this doesn’t work as a “get out of late fines free” card.)
Of course, the observance only works if you remember what you’ve forgotten – and in my case, that’s a somewhat iffy condition. In the interest of obtaining maximum advantage from the holiday, I’ve written a Universal Statement of Mulligan Acceptance. Feel free to use it – with the caveat that if you do, you probably won’t have any need to apologize for missing future events (because no one will ever invite you to anything again).
Universal Statement of Mulligan Acceptance.
Dear friend/relative/business associate/officer/absolute stranger I might or might not have run over with my car:
I am sorry for missing my/your birthday/graduation/funeral/parole party. I am sure my absence left you angry/saddened/grateful/appreciative. Please accept my sincere/heartfelt/socially-awkward apologies for missing what I’m sure was a delightful/difficult/rewarding day. Since today is July 2 (“I forgot day”), I’m sending this Universal Statement of Mulligan Acceptance to let you know that although I forgot your special day, and still haven’t actually remembered it, I have just enough shame/insecurity/detachment from reality to think you’ll let me by with it one more time.
Your dedicated but socially inept [fill in the blank].
P.S.: If I sent this to you already, please disregard the second notice. I may have forgotten who I sent it to.
And yes, my memory is just about bad enough to actually need this.