For the Love of Zucchini

August 8 is official “Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night.”

Some people claim this observance reflects generosity and neighborly love.

Others think it had more to do with an overabundance of vegetables that nobody wants to eat anyway.

One website offers a list of ways to rid yourself of unwanted zucchini (my personal favorite: wrap them in deli paper and pass them off as subs), while others overflow with recipes (for zucchini recipients in need of damage control).

As a past-but-no-longer grower of zucchini, I can attest to the explosive nature of healthy plants’ zucchini production during the summer months. I once went away on vacation and returned to find a three-foot monster zucchini trying to eat the neighbor’s dog. (OK, it was only staring, but I could tell it was plotting something.) Its offspring were training in formation, and I had to act quickly to avoid a coup.

Unfortunately, the neighbors all had chaotic little zucchinoid fifth columns of their own, and I had to resort to distant friends and relatives in apartments to save the day.

Fortunately, we squashed the rebellion before it started.

Have zucchini? Have a neighbor? Go ahead. Wait for dark. Sneak that zucchini onto the porch and run away. (Giggling optional.)

Then go home and have some ice cream, secure in the knowledge that you’ve helped pass on an American tradition – not to mention some unwanted produce.