Month: August 2011

I’m in the weeds today, preparing for a (rare) court appearance on Thursday, so in lieu of my usual dazzling prose, I’m posting a belated introduction to the creatures that keep me company while I write: (Big) Red Spot, the fire shrimp: Phobos and Deimos, the cleaner shrimp: Wilson the blue tuxedo urchin (who likes to decorate himself with anything he can find): Emperor Maximus the Disapproving: Blue and Waldo, the neon gobies (so named because Blue hates Waldo and is always looking for clues as to his whereabouts): Flappy the green-spotted dragonet: Banzai the staghorn hermit: Thing 1, the

August 8 is official “Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night.” Some people claim this observance reflects generosity and neighborly love. Others think it had more to do with an overabundance of vegetables that nobody wants to eat anyway. One website offers a list of ways to rid yourself of unwanted zucchini (my personal favorite: wrap them in deli paper and pass them off as subs), while others overflow with recipes (for zucchini recipients in need of damage control). As a past-but-no-longer grower of zucchini, I can attest to the explosive nature of healthy plants’ zucchini production during the

Build your own fission reactor. Just follow these easy steps. Step 1: Build DIY atom-splitting device. (Plans available on the Internet, or create your own for extra family fun!) Step 2: Split atoms. (Note: minor meltdowns may occur. Use the kitchen for easy cleanup!) Step 3: Succeed! Prior to constructing larger facilities in the backyard, be sure to contact local authorities to make sure your property is zoned for a fission reactor. Step 4: Spend the next 10-to-20 years improving your reactor plans, in the safety of a cinder-block “research lab” with an assistant named Bubba*. (Name changed to protect

Form of…the Grammar Ninja…. In my line of work I read a lot of writing, most of it technical but all of it supposedly professional. Many people assume that a legal degree and years of practice experience make attorneys solid writers. Don’t ever forget what happens when you “assume.”* Attorneys often fall into a trap that’s common to fiction writers too – they render their writing impenetrable by the addition of unnecessary terms and use of the passive case. Passive writing “sounds” more impressive to untrained ears, and many people think it represents an elevated style. Those people are wrong.

I’ve previously mentioned the Peppermint Gang, the shrimp who lurk in “the place we don’t swim alone at night” and have occasional disagreements with Thing 1 and Thing 2 (which continue, despite the unfortunate loss of Thing 2 in a seahorse-related incident). Given their secretive tendencies, photos of the gang are difficult to obtain. When the tank lights are on, the shrimp in question look mostly like this: Or this: (Think “where’s waldo” on an aquatic scale. Except that I already have a fish named Waldo – but that’s the subject of another post.) The last time my friend visited,